I'm in love with you, I always will be
by volcanoes
Summary: Blaine moved his fingers across the screen. "I wasn't ready to say goodbye," he wrote.  A reply came twenty seconds later. "Yeah, well. Neither was I."


It had been three days, two hours, and 37 minutes since Blaine had told Sebastian that they couldn't be friends, not now, not ever, not even kind of.

It had been three days, two hours, and 37 minutes since Blaine had talked to anyone, except the pizza guy, the neighbor who asked Blaine to make sure no one came into the apartment building, and his landlord who asked if Blaine's heating was fine.

Blaine couldn't answer the landlord; he felt cold. Perpetually, entirely, absolutely numb.

How did it become this way, he wondered. How did I let it get this far?

Blaine felt the sides of his blanket with numb fingers, pushing it back up over his head, submerging himself in darkness, cursing the sunlight that streamed through the thin curtains. Why couldn't it be night time; where he could close his lights and pretend he was going to sleep, even though he would spend the entire night staring at the ceiling, pretending that things were okay.

Thinking back, Blaine should have known this would happen. He should have known that the coffee dates would turn into going to each other's houses, the texting into phone calls that lasted through the night, the flirty comments turning into heartfelt compliments.

* * *

><p>"<em>I can't do this," Blaine had texted Sebastian, three days ago. Sebastian had called three minutes later, his voice confused. "What do you mean, you can't do this? Can't do what?"<em>

"_This."_

"_I don't understand," Sebastian said._

"_We can't be friends, Sebastian," Blaine had said, pinching the bridge between his eyes, ignoring the wetness forming in his eyes._

"_Why not?" Sebastian said, his voice trembling. _

"_Because," Blaine said._

"_Because what, Blaine," Sebastian asked._

"_Sebastian, please," Blaine whispered._

"_You're not making any sense, Blaine," Sebastian whispered. "Please what? What do you want from me?"_

"_I want you to not call me," Blaine said, his voice wavering, the tears slipping down his cheeks. "I want you to not text me, to not look at me when we bump into each other at coffee shops. I want you to not know what my coffee order is, or what I like to put on my popcorn when I go to the theater. I want you to not know what my hand feels like when it's cold, or the way my nose turns red when we're on a walk at 8 pm every night."_

"_But why," Sebastian asked, "Why are you doing this now? What have I done wrong?"_

"_I have a boyfriend, Sebastian," Blaine said plainly. _

"_I, I know," Sebastian's voice cracked. "I've known it since I met you."_

"_I have a boyfriend," Blaine repeated, almost to himself._

"_So?"_

"_So I can't be friends with you."_

"_Why fucking not?" Sebastian asked, the anger seeping through his quivering voice._

"_Because you're…you" Blaine said simply. "You are you, with your perfect hair, and your laugh, and your inability to understand that no means no. You're you, with your pictures of every place you go, and your french fries dipped in ice-cream and your cold fingers that continue to try to warm up mine."_

"_I thought you liked those things about me," Sebastian asked a moment later._

"_I do," Blaine said. "I do, which is why I can't be friends with you."_

"_Why are you doing this," Sebastian said, the realization hitting him._

"_Because I can't hurt him, Sebastian. I love him."_

"_I love you."_

"_I know." Blaine whispered._

"_You love me too."_

_The tears streamed harder down Blaine's face, dripping off of his face faster than he could wipe them away._

"_I know."_

"_Not enough." Sebastian whispered._

_Silence._

"_Good bye, Blaine," Sebastian said quietly._

_Blaine lowered his phone from his ear, watching the phone flash red, the words disconnected blaring._

_Blaine moved his fingers across the screen. "I wasn't ready to say goodbye," he wrote._

_A reply came twenty seconds later._

"_Yeah, well. Neither was I."_

* * *

><p>Blaine tried to push the memory away, but the more he tried, the more it ingrained itself into his brain. It spun around and around his head, mingling with memories of watching Sebastian walk through leaves that had fallen on the sidewalk during the fall, of watching Sebastian order them both hot chocolate and asking the waitress to put extra marshmallows in, his dazzling smile contagious to everyone who looked over.<p>

You can't keep doing this, Blaine thought to himself. You can't hurt yourself, your boyfriend, Sebastian.

But I love him, he thought.

Blaine stayed under the blanket for an hour. Two. Three. Three hours passed, and he sat up, pushing the blanket away, and grabbing his phone. Dialing a number, he picked up the first clothing he saw, and put it on.

"Hello?" A voice came from the speaker.

"Kurt, we need to talk," Blaine said, breaking down as he said what he needed to say.

* * *

><p>Blaine walked up to Sebastian's porch, rubbing his hands together, trying to rub the cold away. Ringing the bell, he stood a few steps away from the door as it opened.<p>

Sebastian looked at him and didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay." Sebastian said, his eyes looking away.

"I'm sorry." Blaine repeated.

"I don't know what you want me to say." Sebastian whispered, looking at Blaine.

Blaine said nothing and looked down. He began rubbing his hands together again, feeling colder as the seconds passed.

Sebastian looked at him, and without a word, stepped closer, bringing his hands forward to cover Blaine's, almost as cold, but trying to rub Blaine's numbness away.

Blaine looked up at Sebastian as he pressed his hands to Blaine's, trying hard to not meet Blaine's eyes.

"I love you," he whispered.

Sebastian looked up at him. "I know."

"More than you think."

"I know."

Sebastian's hands had stopped moving, and they stood still. Slowly Blaine leaned forward, watching Sebastian's eyes close as he pressed a quick trembling kiss to his lips. As he broke the kiss, moving back, he saw Sebastian lean forward for a second, before opening his eyes and moving back.

Blaine looked at Sebastian, his eyes hopeful.

"You love me."

Sebastian looked back at Blaine, his eyes full of incomprehensible emotion. He stood silently, contemplating, until finally, he brought his hands forward, holding Blaine's again. Looking at him, he let his lips curve upward just slightly, more of grimace than a smile.

"I know."

"But we're not okay right now," Blaine said.

Silence followed, more comfortable than before, full of understanding, of hope, not emptiness and hurt feelings.

"I know," Sebastian said simply.

"We will be." Blaine whispered.

"We will."


End file.
